The Beach Commandments II

Once again the infamous group of “ne’er-do-wells” from the city of Raleigh invaded the land of the OBX and declared their domain a sovereign territory. Once freed from the common laws of man new rules were established to create a harmonious working order. Actually – that is a bunch of crap – we wrote a new list this year. As a result some of us have new nicknames but fortunately none of us have permanent scars.

Father forgive me for I have sinned… I have committed the sin of….

1. Having wood and lying and telling the lady at McDonald’s I was a beaver.
2. asking, “what the hell do we need a turkey baster for?”
3. Stealing a Kabuki bottle opener – using it makes you an accessory to a sin.
4. asking “are these to pound your meat….”
5. Heretofore Ant or Anthony, shall be known as “Ant-honey”
6. I allowed BobG to chug a beer faster than me. I deserve to be ashamed.
7. following the written rules of the 4-dice game
8. saying… “Chad’s woman is about to ‘Twinkie’ your brother…”
9. If thou puke off thine deck – thou art wasting Twinkie. Amen.
10. To throw up is human – to puke twinkie is divine.
11. ughhh. I agree.
12. Thou shalt not go to Tortuga’s at 9
13. Toni shalt be able to eat other than seafood at Totuga’s
14. Given the opportunity thou shalt partake of Charlie’s ‘All Twinkie’ buffet.
15. “Thou must re-hydrate before you de-hydrate” is pathetic
16. Not going to dinner just because I tossed my twinkie.
17. We’re just going back to our other beach house
18. “It’s my Wii – I can handle it.” Thou shalt handle thine Wii.
19. Nascar is fake–just like professional wrestling
20. I wanna see Gloria ride the banana.
21. Trust me–the stock prices went down because the CEO faked his own death….
22. You owe that waitress $1 since you copped a feel.
23. This is like a brownie with some mint and weed all at the same time.
24. Beastie Boys clear up all infections and twinkie-related maladies.
25. Not letting Chad sleep until he woke up.
26. Thou shalt shut thine piehole.
27. Thou shant tell others about Beerbie they will steal your game and make millions.
28. Formerly known as BobG hinceforth he shall be call T-Weak’ay (pronounced Twinkie)
29. When Joe comes from afar – make him go on a beer run. Amen.
30. Shoving twinkie in husband’s mouth until he said “it was so big I had a gag reflex”
31. The last game of asshole ended with Gloria as President, therefore, Gloria is forever President. Amen.
32. Thou shalt not have Bob G. toss a twinkie, lose a game of beerbie, lose asshole and expect him to be in a good mood.
33. Conference call in the Collonade Room, Chad and Joe, Conference call in the Collonade Room.
34. “You kabuki’d my head” – that’s what she said.
35. Twinky = Bob G
36. *NAME REMOVED* left early to be with *NAME REMOVED*
37. BobG keeps trying to teabag Mark
38. Mark dropped the bomb on us all. And it smelled like great balls of crap on fire.
39. Mandy Moore? Really? Really. Wow.
40. “Almost Paradise” E-Double-D and Chadums in ye olde hot tub. Need we say more?
41. Who shall eateth the most tacos again this year on Tuesday shall be the HAMMER KING.
42. Really – did you see #39 – Mandy Moore. Yes – it was there. Really? Really. And nobody knows where it came from. (Ummm… just like Miley Cyrus – right?)
43. T-win’kay is a “mean old man drunk”
44. You guys sucketh.
45. And there were Zebra cakes, and all rejoiced
46. To crack a beer is human. To Kabuki is divine.
47. To Kabuki your asses, or not to Kabuki your asses….that is the question.
48. “you get the next song Chad”, “do I have to use Bob’s iPod?”
49. “Sips or suckings?”
50. “Anthony should be black…”
51. “I’m watching Ed get fucked right now… I dont wanna play this game.”
52. E-Double-D calls shenanigans on high low.
53. Japanese are no longer hard working – they are just stereotyped.
54. Go free majestic giant!
55. 2 Hard Beefs
56. “Whan, whan, these guys have such easy questions. My pussy hurts!”
57. Have you ever seen me up on a box of munchkins?
58. The song White Lines is about drugs??? Why didn’t I know this?
59. “I would not want to live in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Its all corn.” Chad would want to live there because there’s corn.
60. Ye shall take what ye can get when arriving after 11pm for sushi night at Tortuga’s
61. Claiming the beer went up your nose and we made you laugh don’t count as attempts to bong a beer when you never intended to bong said beer in the first place.
62. Old sling shots hurt when they break
63. Why not just use bigger print on the menu?
64. Yelling at people on ferries out of car windows is allowable if you have license plates from Northern states.
65. Ed calls Shenanigans on Mulligans, this occurrence shall henceforth be referred to as “Shemullnigans”.
66. Admit when your show has jumped the shark.
67. Two hour shows tend to mellow the crowd.
68. I’m not sure I get the allure of visiting The Christmas Mouse while at the beach.
69. That’s what she said!

Two names were removed to a) keep the peace and b) leave a little mystery for those of you who weren’t at the beach. Otherwise as it was said – so it was written.. Amen.